The Confession
by ErosAnime
Summary: Final exam day has hit YNC Academy and Gon hasn't studied. After flunking the big test, he pushes Killua away in anger and frustration. But upon regretting his decision, he makes a shocking discovery - not only about Killua, but also about himself.
1. Chapter 1

Exam day had finally hit York New City. The one day in the year every student dreaded and ardently anticipated with equal measure. To say Gon was unprepared would be somewhat of an understatement. The lumia carp fishing season had hit Whale Island at the exact same time as the final exam and, much to his regret, Gon had dedicated his free time to landing the biggest lumia the folks of Whale had ever seen. That didn't, however, do his academic progress many favors. As Gon arrived at YNC Academy he could feel the nerves beginning to build, the knot in his stomach tighten and his face flush. Being so unprepared, could he actually pass? Did he even have the right to ask for a miracle? _I have to do this_, Gon thought, _otherwise Aunt Mito is going to kill me_. Steeling himself for a moment, he paused, took a deep breath and entered the exam hall.

The period leading up to the final exam had been pretty productive for Killua. He had planned his time wisely and studied every module of his work that was required. Such an accomplishment was hardly surprising for Killua, though. Top of his class and a certified genius, his mind was as sharp as a knife and encased in a wisdom that surpassed his years. By the time Gon had arrived, Killua was already seated in the exam hall, his pen set neatly at the top of his desk, a book about advanced mathematics in his hand. _Some last minute studying can't hurt_, Killua thought to himself, as other students looked on in discreet amazement and a hint of disgust. _I wonder if Gon is here yet?_ No sooner than he thought this, Gon burst through the door, flushed, sweating and haggard. With a frantic look in his eyes, he searched the room and quickly found his seat, much to his relief.

Killua turned around at the sound of Gon's explosive entrance. "Oh boy, typical Gon," he said quietly to himself through a poorly suppressed giggle. _It's one of the reasons I love you_. Allowing his mind to wander on to the deep love for his best friend that he daren't speak of quickly stole the smile from his face. Setting his mind to rights, as he was so easily able to do, he turned to face the front of the hall and focused his mind on the exam.

Three hours had passed since the start of the exam and, to a collective sigh from the students present, the adjudicator announced the end of the allotted time period. "Pens down, please!" he exclaimed, with the passion of someone who enjoys having authority just a little too much. "The final exam for 2019 has now officially come to an end. Please leave your papers on your desk and leave the room one row at a time, starting from the back.

Gon was seated three rows from the back and quickly found it his turn to leave the exam hall. For seconds that seemed like an eternity, he stared at his exam paper in fear.

_ I haven't done enough. _

_ I'm going to fail. _

_ ...I'm stupid. I'm an idiot._

That last thought crept up on Gon like a shadow. A lump formed in his throat as he felt his eyes begin to moisten. _Aunt Mito will be so embarrassed_. A quiver began to form on his bottom lip. Gon wasn't used to feeling down and had very little tolerance for it, simply choosing to raise the spirits of those around him rather than see them sad. Noticing that other students were waiting for him, he summoned a second-wind of resilience, gathered himself together and left the exam hall. Killua hadn't noticed Gon's reaction to the exam, choosing to remain stoically focused until the bitter end. After a few minutes, Killua collected his things and left the exam hall. The final exam over, his mind now found itself purely focused on Gon.

After leaving the exam hall, Killua rushed to find Gon. The excitement of an undoubtedly successful endeavour left him clamouring to discuss it with his best friend. Hordes of relieved students filled the corridors of YNC Academy as exams in all the available halls had ended at the same time. His smaller stature working against him, Killua tried his best to peer past the other students, but with little success. Getting increasingly frustrated, he decided to text Gon and ask him where he was.

'Gon, where are you? I couldn't find you after the exam finished'

Leaning against the corridor wall, away from the hustle and bustle of a very busy YNC Academy, Killua waited for Gon's reply. He checked his phone: 5 minutes had passed. _Weird_, Killua thought to himself. _Why hasn't Gon replied already?_ The urge to talk to his best friend eating away at him until it was no longer bearable, he decided to call Gon.

*Ring Ring*

*Ring Ring*

*Ring Ring*

No answer ever came. Within a minute of the missed call, however, Killua received a text.

'Had to go. Sorry.'

Concern etched itself on Killua's face. He knew Gon better than to believe he just had to leave. Knowing it would be pointless to try and reach him again, Killua began to search the now emptying corridors of YNC Academy. They had all the same classes together, but Gon was nowhere to be seen. He tried the classrooms, he tried the gym, he even tried the cafeteria, but much to his dismay there was no sign of Gon. Growing more frantic, Killua wracked his brain to try and think of where Gon could have gone. Suddenly, like a bolt of inspiration, it came to him. _The river!_ He realized. _Gon always loved to sit by the river when he had something on his mind!_ Without a moment's hesitation, Killua bounded off in the direction of the riverbank. He had to find Gon; something wasn't right. He had to be with the boy he loved.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun was beginning its descent from the sky as Gon looked out over the river. The start of dusk produced a beautiful effect on the water's surface, something Gon had always taken solace in. As he stared blankly across the river, Gon found his mind beginning to wander into the unpleasant territory he had experienced earlier. _I'm so dumb. I had the chance to study for this exam and I blew it. It's all my fault. Aunt Mito will be so upset._

The thought of disappointing his Aunt caused a lump to form in Gon's throat again. Sitting with his legs bent, he rested his head on his knees as he noticed his eyes begin to moisten. Without sobbing or noticeably crying, the tears began to roll down his cheeks. _Hunters are supposed to be smart. How can I be a hunter when I can't even pass the final exam? I'm glad my Dad isn't here, he'd be ashamed of me._

His heart couldn't take another shot of this despair. The silent tears evolved into powerful sobs as Gon felt his heart break in two. It is often the case that those who bring the biggest smiles to others suffer the most. Gon had never felt this level of sadness before. He was always the first to force a smile, always the first to charge ahead and think of the consequences later, or often not at all. So, why was he unable to shake off this feeling of suffering? The beautiful light of dusk reflecting off the river's surface, usually such a reliable source of comfort for Gon, provided little comfort. His pooling tears beginning to run down his legs, Gon cried without respite, a lifetime of negative emotion kept locked in the dark using this excuse to bring itself into the light.

_Killua wouldn't have failed this exam..._, Gon thought to himself.

_Killua._

_Where are you?_

Beads of sweat formed on Killua's forehead as he sprinted toward the riverbank. He was fast and had a marathon runner's stamina, but the powerful need to be by Gon's side left even his legs tired. A shot of adrenaline coursed through Killua's veins as the thought of resting for just a brief moment dared enter his mind. _No, I can't stop. I have to find Gon goddamn it! _The path from YNC Academy to the riverbank was a 20 minute walk on a good day, but Killua found himself within a stone's throw inside of 10 minutes. _Please, Gon. Please be there_, he silently pleaded to himself. As the uphill gradient plateaued and his legs finally began their death knell, an image came into Killua's sight that caused his heart to skip several beats.

Gon.

Gon was there.

Alone.

Alone and upset.

Before his mind could even fathom, Killua found himself almost flying, his heart beginning to break at the sight of Gon's tears. Killua had endured hardship, he had endured torture as part of his training, he had killed people as an assassin. But this destroyed him. To watch his best friend...the boy he loved...crying...it was too much. As he arrived at the steps down toward the riverbank, he shouted to Gon.

"Gon! I've been looking for you everywhere!"

Gon's head remained firmly planted on his knees. He had heard his best friend's cries, but couldn't bare to face him in such a state. He wanted nothing more than to disappear, for Killua and the rest of the world to melt away and leave him stranded and alone. Gon's sobs subsided slightly as Killua began to descend the stairs toward him, his sadness gradually being replaced by anger and frustration. Within seconds Killua stood at Gon's side, concern and fear written across his face.

"Gon?" Killua asked. Seconds passed with no reply. Desperate for answers, he pressed. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Before the last syllable could leave Killua's mouth, Gon fired back in anger, his eyes burning with a mix of sadness, sorrow and pure hatred, "JUST GO AWAY, KILLUA!".

A pain filled Killua's chest, like he had been stabbed by a serrated knife. He stared at Gon, who's eyes were still firmly fixed on his, in utter disbelief. "W...why? I just want to help," he said, his voice noticeably beginning to crack.

"I DON'T NEED YOU!" Gon shot back, his teeth gritted and his voice hoarse.

Gon felt a sharp pain in his chest as he said that. He knew it wasn't true, but he also knew Killua wouldn't back off unless he was hurt badly. Hearing those words sliced through Killua's heart like a katana. His eyes began to fill with water as his bottom lip grew weak. He tried his hardest to hide his heartbreak from Gon, to cover the crushing effect of hearing the love of his life say he didn't need him, but it was a futile effort. Having no other choice, he turned away from an unrelenting Gon, his world starting to spin in a daze. Gon had become everything Killua lived for; what was he supposed to do now? Fighting every urge in his body not to, he finally managed to lift his foot from the ground and take his first step away from Gon, away from the boy he loved. Every single step felt like a gunshot to the heart, each one growing more painful, more agonising. Finally, after ascending a few stairs, he stopped and stared at the ground.

"...but I need _you_, Gon," Killua said in a voice weaker and more defeated than had ever left his body.

He stood there for a few moments, praying that Gon would call out to him. He didn't. Silently wiping the tears from his eyes, Killua started up the stairs once more. His steps were slow, his vision almost entirely blurred. His heart wanted nothing more than to turn around and run to Gon, but he knew it was pointless. His legs were already unfathomably fatigued from the run to the riverbank, but he couldn't feel them ache. He couldn't feel anything anymore. A slow, weary ascent completed, he turned and started down the road, back the way he had come from school. The noise of the city seemed strangely silent all of a sudden. Nothing mattered to Killua anymore. He was utterly broken.


	3. Chapter 3

Gon had always been stubborn. An unfortunate side-effect of being head-strong his Aunt Mito had always told him. Perhaps it was the other way around. As he heard Killua reach the top of the stairs and walk away, his heart finally relented what his head could not. He broke down, his whole body began to shake. It wasn't the shame of flunking the exam or disappointing his Aunt Mito - no, none of that mattered anymore. His body shook because he knew, suddenly, that there was something more important in his life than his academic record; more important than his Aunt Mito's reaction or his father's impression of him. And he had just ordered that thing away from him in angry disdain.

_Killua_, Gon thought, as his throat tightened.

_What have I done?_

Killua started down the hill he had previously destroyed his legs running up, the greater ease of the endeavour failing to hold any value to be appreciated in light of the circumstances. As the horizon began to disappear behind him, Killua found his heart returning to a place of darkness he once knew. Assassins needed a stone heart to be effective and Killua's was the hardest. It was just one of the many facets of his personality that made him ruthlessly effective at what he did, but also the crux that prevented him from ever appreciating the warmness of love and human interaction. Gon had changed all that, the unyielding positivity from his soul shattering Killua's stoney heart. Nobody had ever unlocked that side of his personality before, but then again, nobody was quite like Gon. His heart petrifying as if struck by Medusa's glare, Killua's mind went blank. As if returning to a long-lost primal urge, he found himself solely focused on his family, on what it meant to be a Zoldyck. His eyes went dark, something that only ever happened when he was about to end a life, and his senses sharpened. He had but one desire now: pain. It didn't matter who, it didn't matter where; he just wanted to inflict on somebody the pain he felt inside. An air of desperate hunger swirled around Killua's body. He harbored only the desire for destruction. It was all he had left.

Gon found himself torn as he ascended the stairs in desperate fervor. His head wanted to do what it knew best: stick to his guns and turn his nose in the air. But his heart was breaking and that was too much to ignore. As he reached the roadside where the stairs joined the path, he frantically looked left and right, trying to find Killua. But nothing. He had left it too late. It was true that Gon wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but perhaps the urgency of the situation heightened his capabilities, as he quickly deduced that Killua must have come from the right, in the direction of the school. He set off as quickly as could, but found himself surprised by the reluctance he felt about facing Killua. It was true that he wanted nothing more than to take back everything he had said to his best friend, but there was something deep inside that he couldn't deny. Something powerful and unyielding. Something Gon had never felt before.

With each step, Killua's heart grew harder. It had taken years to reverse the nature his profession had taught him, but only minutes to welcome it back with open arms. He sneered to himself. _End it. I have to end this pain. There can be only death._ As his gaze scanned the street ahead, he noticed, several feet away, a suited man alone, walking home from the day's toil. _You_. _You will be the one to end my suffering_. Killua's eyes narrowed, the hair on his neck raised and his nostrils flared. He had been overcome by bloodlust, convinced that killing this man would take his pain away. As if moving between time and space, Killua's movements became ethereal, his steps silent and his posture that of a predator hunting its prey. There would be no way for the man to know what was about to befall him and as Killua raced toward him, his eyes grew wide with fiery desire. _Yes! Let me set you free, let me end the pain! _Within seconds, Killua had positioned himself behind the unsuspecting man, his hand morphed into the blade-like weapon that only a Zoldyck could do and he raised his arm, ready to cut the suited man's throat. The muscles tensed as he began his motion, the moment of death finally arriving...

"Killua!"

...and he froze. His eyes were still hollow, his heart still dark, but Gon's voice had been enough to stop him killing the suited man. For a few seconds Killua stood there, arm raised, unable to move as the suited man strolled away, completely unaware of how close he had come to having his life ended. Gon's run slowed to a walk as he realized Killua was waiting for him, apprehension encroaching with every step. He didn't know how to face Killua; what would he say? His hands became clammy and his face flushed. Gon had seen what Killua was about to do, but couldn't process it. That wasn't the Killua he knew. Little did Gon know that that was the version of Killua he had saved from himself. With gradually slowing steps, Gon approached Killua, who still had his back turned, though his posture had returned to normal.

"...hey, Killua," he said hesitantly, his voice lacking the determined presence it usually had. Killua didn't respond, his mind still focused on bloodlust. "I... I'm sorry," Gon said, hoping his best friend would turn around to face him. "I didn't mean what I said. I was upset."

Seeing no response from Killua, Gon took tentative steps toward him. He paused as he reached touching distance.

"Killua, please talk to me!" Gon exclaimed, the emotion emerging as frustration.

He reached out and put a hand on Killua's shoulder. Without a moment's hesitation, Killua spun around, grabbed Gon's arm and jammed his bladed hand under Gon's chin.

"Wrong move," Killua said, his voice completely devoid of emotion.

Gon had never seen the hollow eyes of Killua's bloodlust. He knew Killua better than anyone and had never feared him for a moment, but the sight of his best friend in this state sent a shiver down his spine. For the first time, Gon had seen the dark side of Killua's nature and it terrified him - not because he thought Killua would hurt him, but because he realized he had been the one who had saved Killua from himself...and he had been the one, the sole reason for Killua's pain. For the first time since the riverbank, Gon's eyes began to moisten. He was suddenly realizing what he felt apprehensive about. Killua turned his head down, ready to strike, the hollowness of his concentrated stare boring a hole through Gon's soul. Not a sign of remorse in his eyes, Killua drew his bladed hand back, ready to do the unthinkable. He thrust forward with everything he had...

"I love you, Killua."

The world stopped turning. Time itself had paused, even the birds had stopped singing. Killua's eyes returned to life as the bloodlust subsided and he returned to his senses. For the first time he realized in shock what he was about to do - his bladed hand, now returned to normal, had stopped an inch from Gon's face. Aghast and completely overwhelmed by what Gon had said, he broke down. The tears streamed down Killua's face as the words he heard shattered the stone around his heart. His hand, which moments ago was about to destroy Killua forever, now cupped Gon's face. Overwhelmed by emotion and choking on tears, he pulled their foreheads together.

"I...I...Gon..."

Killua struggled to form the words. As Gon put his hand on Killua's face, he finally found the courage to say what he had wanted to say to his best friend since the day they met.

"I love you too, Gon."

Tears poured from Gon's eyes, but for the first time that day they weren't tears of sorrow. "I do need you, Killua. I need you more than anything else in the world. You are everything to me."

A permanent smile etched on Gon's face as he spoke, the relief pouring from him. A few moments passed as both Gon and Killua started to laugh through their tears, the heartbreak healing, the negative emotion fleeing their souls. As their laughs subsided, Killua smiled and looked up at Gon.

"Baka!" he said, playfully swiping the top of Gon's head.

"Hey! That's not fai..."

Before Gon could finish his sentence, Killua pushed his lips to Gon's for the first time. As if locked by electricity, their arms were unable to let go. They squeezed each other tightly as they kissed, the tears now drying and the sadness dying. Killua was the first to eventually pull away, a new found hunger in his eyes.

"Gon, I'm sorry you had to see me like that," he said, remorse in his eyes.

Gon's expression didn't change. He didn't care. He knew Killua wouldn't really hurt him.

"Shut up," he replied simply, pulling Killua back into his arms and kissing him passionately once more. "Just promise me you'll never walk away from me again."

Killua pulled away. His eyes fixated on Gon's intensely - an intensity greater than his bloodlust. He held Gon's face in both of his hands.

"I promise, Gon. I promise."

The sun set slowly from the sky behind Gon and Killua as they held each other in their arms, their love allowed to flourish for the first time.


End file.
